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[Airman04061969]

OK, un alt sfat ! Tineti cont de urmatoarea cugetare:
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.
Daca nu tineti cont de ea atunci reamintiti-va macar ca:
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito
Oricum, urmatoarele se vor dovedi de folos:
A. For men:

What women really mean when they say:
1) FINE. This is a word they use at the end of an argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments;
2) FIVE MINUTES. this is half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade;
3) NOTHING. This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine";
4) GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows). This is a dare, one that will result in you getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine";
5) GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows). This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and they will talk to you in about "Five minutes" when they cool off;
6) (LOUD SIGH). This is not actually a word, but it is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud sigh" means they think you are an idiot at that moment and wonder why they are wasting their time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing";
7) (SOFT SIGH). Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. They are content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and they will stay content;
OH ! This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If they say "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. They will tell you that they are "Fine" when they are done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect them to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh", as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them;
9) THAT'S OK. This is one of the most dangerous statements that women can say to men. "That's OK" means that they want to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is you have done. "That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near f** when they have plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble;
10) PLEASE DO. This is not a statement; it is an offer. Women are giving you a chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK";
11) THANKS. Women are thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome";
12) THANKS A LOT. This is much different from "Thanks". Women will say "Thanks A LOT" when they are really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt them in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after after the "Loud sigh", as they will only say "Nothing".

B. For women:

1) Remember you are known by the idiots you accompany;
2) Don't imagine that you can change men unless they are in diapers;
3) What do you do if your boyfriends walk out ? You shut the door;
4) So many men, so many reasons not to sleep with any of them;
5) If they put a man on the moon, why can't they put them all there ?;
6) Tell them you are not their type, you have a p**a;
7) Never let your men's mind to wander, they are too little to let out alone;
Go for a younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway;
9) Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart;
10) Definition of bachelors: men who have missed the opportunity to make some women miserable;
11) Women don't make fools of men, most of them are the "Do-it-yourself" type;
12) The best way to get men to do something is to suggest that they are too old or too fat for it;
13) Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener;
14) If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital;
15) Men's idea of a serious commitment is usually: "oh, alright, I'll stay the night";
17) Remember that a sense of humor does not mean that you tell them jokes, it means you laugh at theirs;
1 The point of having boyfriends is so that they can one day graduate to the exalted status of "former boyfriends";
19) There are lots of words to describe men: strong, caring, loving... They would be wrong, but you can still use them;
20) Men: can't live with them, can't live without them.

Sper ca v-au placut, daca nu, macar urmati sfatul nr. 17 din sectiunea "For women"
_________________
Bogdan Voicu
("Good judgement comes from experience but experience comes from a lot of (previous) bad judgements").

[Reclama]

[Aneisse]

Mey dar vad ca ti-ai luat rolul in serios!
_________________
Daca dragoste nu e, atunci...sa facem !!! ))
http://theoldjukebox.blogspot.com/

[Airman04061969]

Tu m-ai provocat ! Si-apoi mai bine sa stie omul cum devine treaba cu casatoria, inainte de a o face !
_________________
Bogdan Voicu
("Good judgement comes from experience but experience comes from a lot of (previous) bad judgements").

[Airman04061969]

OK, am fost rautacios cu dictionarul femino-englez. Iata si varianta sa masculino-engleza:

Find out what may really mean when they say...
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great ."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
Facts About Men
25 Things Women Should Know About Men:
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
9. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, you should be worried about him.
16. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
17. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
18. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
19. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice, voluntarily.
20. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
21. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget. He didn't lose your number. He didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.
23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
24. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
25. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
_________________
Bogdan Voicu
("Good judgement comes from experience but experience comes from a lot of (previous) bad judgements").

[anca]

Sotia mea si cu mine cunoastem secretul pentru a mentine o casatorie solida:
1. De doua ori pe saptamana mergem intr-un restaurant dragut, bem vin, mincare buna si companie... ea merge marti, eu vineri.
2. Dormim in paturi separate, eu la Milano, ea la Genova.
3. O duc peste tot, dar ea reuseste mereu sa gaseasca drumul inapoi.
4. Am intrebat-o unde vrea sa mearga pentru aniversarea casatoriei si mi-a raspuns: "intr-un loc unde nu am mai fost demult". I-am sugerat bucataria.
5. Ne tinem de mina mereu. Daca nu o fac, incepe sa cheltuiasca.
6. Are un robot de bucatarie electric, un storcator electric, un prajitor electric si zice ca sint prea multe in casa, nu are loc de ele unde sa stea. Asa ca i-am cumparat un scaun electric.
7. Mi-a spus ca masina nu merge, ca are apa in carburator. Am intrebat unde e masina: "in lac".
8. A facut o masca de argila. Pentru doua zile a fost frumoasa foc. Apoi si-a spalat masca de pe fata.
9. A urmarit camionul de gunoi, urlind dupa el: sunt in intirziere pt gunoi? Soferul a raspuns: "nu, salta inauntru!"
10. Aminteste-ti mereu, casatoria e prima cauza a divortului.
11. Nu am vorbit cu sotia mea de11 luni. Nu indrazneam sa o intrerup.
12. Ultima cearta a fost din cauza mea. A intrebat "ce e pe televizor", iar eu am raspuns: "praf".
13. La inceput, Dumnezeu a creat pamintul si s-a odihnit. Apoi a creat barbatul si s-a odihnit. Apoi a creat femeia. Si nici barbatul, nici Dumnezeu nu s-au mai odihnit niciodata si nici nu o vor mai face in vecii vecilor.
_________________
I didn't see the time...and I waited half my life away

[Aneisse]

Tare de tot!
_________________
Daca dragoste nu e, atunci...sa facem !!! ))
http://theoldjukebox.blogspot.com/

[mariusc]

[Exista doua feluri de barbati: cei condusi de femei si cei care nu recunosc !

De cat timp esti insurat?...Nu de alta, dar sunt curios dupa cat timp ai cedat

[mariusc]

[quote="Aneisse"]Pai...daca semnele le poarta barbatul....de ce sa-mi fac griji?!? :lol: :lol:
Nu mey, nu cred ca va fi cazul vreodata, am avut grija cand am ales. Slabe sanse sa se intample asa ceva in casnicia mea. Daca s-ar intampla asa ceva , cu siguranta ar duce la o dizolvare rapida a mariajului. Nu prea ma conformez eu la asta. Imi iau copilul si plec la mama , in doua saptamani neinspiratul va primi si cererea de divort iar in cateva luni de la nefericitul eveniment probabil va fi evacuat din locuinta . Deh, femeia ramane cu copilul dar si cu casa! Asa ca...aviz amatorilor![/quote]

trebuie sa recunosc ca ai o gandire destul de eficace , in perspectiva :)

[Airman04061969]

[anca]

CE ESTE CURAJUL?

Curajul este atunci cand un barbat se intoarce acasa la 4 dimineata mort de beat si intrand in casa si vazand-o pe nevasta-sa cu o matura in mana indrazneste sa o intrebe:
- Faci curat sau ai de gand sa zbori pe undeva?


nu m-am putut abtine, mi-a placut
_________________
I didn't see the time...and I waited half my life away

[Aneisse]

_________________
Daca dragoste nu e, atunci...sa facem !!! ))
http://theoldjukebox.blogspot.com/

[mariusc]

[Airman04061969]

Aha ! Mea culpa ! Scuze pentru ton, am crezut ca esti insurat si faci pe cocosul ! Sa stii ca femeile au tendinta de a transforma cocosii in claponi, cat ai zice peste ! Daca nu crezi, intreab-o pe Lorena Bobbit - !
_________________
Bogdan Voicu
("Good judgement comes from experience but experience comes from a lot of (previous) bad judgements").

[mariusc]

[mariusc]

[Reclama]