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[Sweety]

Q why do midgets laugh while playing soccer?
A because the grass tickles their balls


Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Reclama]

[Sweety]

-heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm.
-yes!
-ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Sweety]

Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"

The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"

The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!

The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!

The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"
_________________
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Sweety]

Girl and boy are in park.GIrl say,my arm is hurt.So boy kiss her arm.GIrl say,my neck is hurting me.So boy kiss her at neck.All that watch old man,and
he say"hey boy,do you maybe cure hemorrhoids"
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Sweety]

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court, when I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man didn't bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[tuffgirl]

10 Worst Company Domains


Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today?s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn?t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ?Who Represents? where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it? is www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there?s the Italian Power Generator company? www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you?re looking for computer software, there?s always www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there?s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com
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Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish.

- Quintilian, De Institutione Oratoria

[tuffgirl]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. After many years, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact with his wife in a dream.

"Mary... Mary..." he called.

"Is that you, Fred?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?" Mary asked.

"Well, I get up in the morning. I have sex. I have breakfast. I run around the golf course. I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again, and sex again," he said.

"Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven!" Mary exclaimed.

"Not exactly," Fred said. "I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."
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Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish.

- Quintilian, De Institutione Oratoria

[tuffgirl]

Peter is relaxing after work one day in a bar on the top floor of a New York skyscraper. While he's sipping his drink, another man approaches him. He looks like an average guy; suit, tie, glasses, and he's pretty drunk.

"Hey," says the guy. "I'll give you fifty dollars to jump out that window and jump back in." The man points to an open window not far off.

Peter looks at the man like he's crazy. "No thanks, I think I'll just sit and enjoy my drink." The man shrugs and wanders off.

About 30 minutes later, the man returns. Now he's even more drunk; his tie has been loosened, his hat is gone, and he's starting to slur. "Hey," he says. "I'll give you...five hunnert dollars to jump out that window and jump back in."

Now Peter is getting irritated. "No, please leave me alone." The man shrugs and wanders off again.

Twenty minutes later, the man returns yet again. Now he's REALLY drunk; his glasses are broken, there's a burn hole in his suit, and he's wearing his tie around his head. "Hey, I'll giff you five...hic.....THOUSAND dollerz to jub' out 'at window.....and jum' baggin."

Now Peter is mad, and just wants to get rid of this drunkard. "Tell you what," he says. "You do it first and I'll do it for free."

The drunk man thinks for a second, and then stumbles over to the window, jumps out and jumps back in. Shocked, Peter thinks to himself, "If this drunk asshole can do it, surely I can." So Peter walks over to the window, takes a deep breath, and jumps out the window. He quickly falls to his death.

The drunk man is standing by the bar, chuckling to himself. The bartender looks at him and says "You sure are a dick when you're drunk, Superman."
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Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish.

- Quintilian, De Institutione Oratoria

[Sweety]

What are the three fastest ways of communication? Three fastest ways of communication in the world: 3.. Tele-phone 2.. Tele-vision 1.. Tell-a-woman. You still want faster? ... Tell her not to tell anyone!
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[maybe]

[Sweety]

A young man asks his granny: have u seen my pills, the ones i left on the table? They were labeled "exxtasy"... Granny: the pills , man..have u seen the dragon in the kitchen???
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Sweety]

One arabian in aeroport:

-Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no… I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast...
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Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Sweety]

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.
After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for.

The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.

The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, p**a out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker oral gratification.

When finished, the monkey p**a out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.

"See that?" said the trucker.

The man said, "Yeah."

The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"

The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"
_________________
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[tuffgirl]

you crazy girl
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Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish.

- Quintilian, De Institutione Oratoria

[Sweety]

Matt came home from a business convention very drunk one night. He slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and immediately fell into a deep, deep slumber. After a while he awoke in front of the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said: "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Matt, but you died in your sleep."

Matt was devastated, and begged for a second chance, pleading that he had a young wife and baby and couldn't bear to be parted from them. St Peter looked sympathetic but shook his head: "It can't be done Matt. The only opening I've got in the next 100 years near your family is as a chicken on the local farm."

Matt readily agreed to this and the next thing he knew, he was in a yard, covered in feathers and clucking as he pecked the ground. Suddenly he had a strange feeling inside him and he called out to the nearest chicken to him: “What’s happening? It feels like I'm going to explode!"

"Don't worry dear, you're only ovulating," said the other chicken. "Haven't you laid an egg before?"

Matt replied that he hadn't.

"Well just relax and let it happen," said the other chicken. "It really is no big deal."

Matt relaxed, and a few rather uncomfortable seconds later out popped a beautiful new egg. Matt was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood and within seconds his second egg slid out, much more smoothly than the first.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout: “Dammit Matt, wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"
_________________
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

[Reclama]